The Difficulties of Making Friends as an Adult

It seems so much easier to make friends when you're a youngster. For a start, when you go to school there are lots of children the same age as you and you all have similar interests and experiences. You are less likely to pass negative judgement someone when you're just a kid, but that all begins to change as you get older. First, you have to deal with secondary school, where teenagers are less tolerant of difference than children. The likelihood is that you will encounter bullying at some point and this may influence how you feel about yourself and your inclination to socialise.

It is during adolescence that you form your own opinions and start to decide what interests you and what you enjoy. You can then work on finding a group of friends who you have something in common with and whose company you appreciate. This continues for as long as you remain within the education system. If you go to university, you have the perfect opportunity to meet people from all over the world and to further develop your own sense of self. Making friends isn't too difficult when you're all studying in the same place and are able to relate to each other.

It is usually when you enter the world of work that making friends can become more problematic. Even though you may get along with your colleagues, often the relationship you have with these people does not extend to after working hours. Friends are the people you turn to when in difficulty and in need of support, something which you are unlikely to do with someone who you are in competition with in the workplace. If your job is stressing you out and there is a promotion on the horizon, you are hardly likely to alert someone who is up for the same job, are you?

It is even more challenging to make friends if you work from home, because if you don't leave the house when are you ever going to meet people? You may be able to establish a few online friendships, but they are not quite the same as the real thing. You have to get out of the house and join various clubs and societies so that you actually have people to talk to. However, you may discover that apart from cycling or running or dancing, depending on what kind of groups you decide to get involved in, you have very little in common with other members.

If you're in your twenties or thirties and single and all the people you encounter in your day-to-day life are middle-aged and married, you may have difficulty to relating to their experiences, whilst you can't really understand where young people are coming from either. As you get older and have children, you may find that you meet other parents at the school gates and that you develop a few friendships with them, but sometimes it can feel as though there is a competition going on. Mothers who turn up to the school dressed to the nines with their perfect children may appear to be everyone's friend, when actually people frequently criticise them behind their back.

There are always potential opportunities to make friends, however young or old you are, though generally you find that as an adult it becomes harder to find people whose company you actually want to spend time in. You become more aware of what interests you and what your beliefs are, and you may be reluctant to waste time listening to other people's opinions and opening yourself up to new friendships.